Online dating and married men a guy feels pressure when dating
One woman with whom he had a pleasant text exchange for a day or two before fully revealing his status told him that he’d hurt her badly, that he was the first educated person she’d met on Tinder in months, and that he’d given her the push she needed to permanently swear off internet dating. I told him it wasn’t that they hated him, they just wanted things he didn’t have to offer — commitment of time, resources, and exclusivity.They wanted the things I used to want, and I in turn wanted what they had — freedom, excitement, interesting conversations that didn’t center on styles of child-rearing or real estate, the experience of moving through the world not exclusively as a wife or mother but as a sexual being, a full and complicated and multifaceted person, the experience of being wooed, wanted, admired, acknowledged, and seen.
For our birthdays, we bought each other things like electric blankets and warm wool socks and a Vitamix blender for making soup. Maybe there wasn’t much in the way of excitement, novelty, or fun.
Maybe we didn’t pine for each other or take off our pajamas for sex, but we still loved each other. “Nothing like this existed when we were single,” I said to Pete. The first step in the process was to set up our profiles, which we decided to do together.
“Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how the world beyond marriage had changed? Unlike most of the activities we shared (laundry, taxes, attending birthday parties at inflatable bounce house venues), this turned out to be a lot of fun.
And also, he’d really like me to bring a beautiful married friend along.
My immediate reaction was repulsion, followed by a kind of morbid curiosity. In one aggrieved text he wrote, All year I work day and night trying to help people who have nothing. As for Pete, he was learning that married men on Tinder did not get quite the same level of positive feedback (or harassment) as married women.