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I suspect that at least a few gay women actually have made attempts at “making a move” and romance with my friend, but not in the manner she’d been conditioned to understand.

Conversely, many of my lesbian friends have complained of bi women disappearing after a few dates, or “ghosting”, as it’s called these days.

And while the sheer number of available partners may explain some aspect of why bi women partner more frequently with men, the heteronormative socialization described above is almost certainly as responsible, if not more so, for this phenomenon.

But an even more insidious hurdle to a bi and lesbian pairing is plain, old fashioned misogyny — the disdain for the feminine vs. For instance, accusations of deceit are leveled at bi women as well as bi men, ostensibly insulting both groups equally: Bi women are actually straight, and bi men are actually gay.

I spent the first two decades of my life living as a closeted trans woman — a bisexual male to the outside world.2.

I have since transitioned, and now live as a bisexual woman.

As a result, is it really so hard to see why some gay women might feel wary or reluctant to begin a relationship with a bisexual woman?

Recently, I sat down for coffee with a lesbian acquaintance of mine who’d been dumped a month earlier by a bi woman. ”After thinking on it for a moment, I told her that I didn’t.

But is this really because we prefer a life of white-picket simplicity and comfort?While lesbian women are certainly bombarded with the same messages about romance as everyone else, I wonder if perhaps they don’t internalize them to the same extent.The gay women I’ve dated don’t expect me to perform romance as a man would, because their relationships have never or rarely included men, and as a result they’ve created their own version of what romance looks like.From an early age boys and girls are taught that relationships are successfully obtained by performing “complementary” roles of cat and mouse, pursuer and pursued, the actor and the acted-upon.Consequently, girls learn to define romance as a noun — a subjective experience brought about by a man’s actions.

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