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People were being spanked, hot wax was being poured on bare skin, a man was walking around with heavy weights hung from his balls. So it didn’t shock me when a woman with a soft voice and a soft face pulled out a leather horse bridle and told me that she liked putting it on other people and steering them around. Wearing a form-fitting cocktail dress, high heels, and the bridle, I walked, straight backed, slowly from one room to another, enjoying the eyes I’d see on me before they disappeared past the blinders.

Everything about her was tall and full, from her riding boots to her cascading brown hair. This was the part I was most comfortable with—the exhibition.

To him, pony play was all about the power dynamic: the pony relinquishing control and offering him—the trainer—complete trust.

He gave me commands by pressing on my back, telling me to switch between a high-kneed walk and a trot.

In the evening, the conference set up a makeshift dungeon—a designated play space with equipment to act out our kinks.

There were large wooden frames for rope suspensions, massage benches, and X-shaped wooden structures known as Saint Andrew’s crosses for tying people up and flogging them.

And then, another lover of mine (D and I were in an open relationship) brought us into a whole community of BDSM aficionados.

I didn’t feel empowered by my small pony play scene.Through strap-ons and crossdressing, floggers and knives, I explored the depths of my gender and the limits of my body. I couldn’t see her, but I could feel her movements through the reins she held behind me.I discovered pony play seven years ago, at one of my very first BDSM events—a private play party at a community member’s home. I wanted to know what it would feel like to have this soft-spoken woman in control of me. She made a clicking noise with her tongue to prompt me to move.Somewhere, Doms were running special gloves or floggers lit on fire over people’s bodies—these were the scenes I was most worried about running into. Other ponies I’ve spoken to say that when they role play, they cease being themselves. It’s about the experience of being free, wild, or “other.” I haven’t yet reached that headspace.But I was brave enough to be led blind through a crowd and strong enough to submit to the unknown. Even when I’ve acted in musicals and operas or done other role play with lovers, I’m always aware of myself playing a part. I’d heard that he was one of the only active ponies in my city, so I reached out to him after the conference. He asked me about what kind of headspace I was looking for.

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